We’ve got a treat for you today, friends! Earlier this year we had the opportunity to meet Jodie. This girl is a gem: she became a Christian in October 2018, and this week we read something of her story, when she shared it on her blog – and she’s kindly agreed to let us share this, in the hope that it would help some of you guys. Jodie has had a long walk with her mental health – this is one to read if you need a bit of light. Over to you, Jodie!
I hope you don’t mind, but this post is going to be a bit different.
It’s about my story.
My struggles with mental health.
I came to faith/became a Christian back in October 2018 and I can easily say it’s been the best thing that has ever happened to me.
It hasn’t only gave me hope and excitement in life, but it’s helped me to understand why so much of my past happened. And since accepting Christ in my life my perspective on things and ideas on life and everything that comes with it has totally flipped around.
I used to focus and get so caught up in the negatives of things, it would all just overwhelm me. But now I’m able to focus more on the positives of every situation. Christ directs me in the right direction and train of thought, whether that’s from him or through someone else.
From about the age of 6 I’ve been surrounded with issues to do with poor mental health and I still am to this day. From family members, friends and also myself.
So for me whilst growing up I felt like darkness was following me everywhere I went; from being at home, being at school and the things I was doing in my life.
I felt alone.
I felt worthless.
I felt empty.
I was constantly questioning everything.
I felt like there was no point in anything.
I had no hope for the present or the future.
I felt pressured to be “normal”.
I felt like a burden on everyone.
I hated everything about myself.
I lost excitement or passion for everything;
things that I loved doing, but also life.
I felt so much pain;
but I couldn’t cry.
I questioned: “Why me?”
But I couldn’t get away from it. No matter what I did.
It had control of me.
When I was 16 (year 11 of high school) I started to struggle with my own mental health. It all happened and deteriorated so quickly. Within a few months I went from feeling anxious, to feeling depressed, which led on to self-harming – this was me struggling with my eating but also cutting myself, to having suicidal thoughts, to then almost ending my life.
Two years ago today, I almost ended everything.
**I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything for over 40 hours. I went for a long walk, which lasted over four hours, just from me trying to make my mind up on what to do.
Do I end everything? Or do I keep going?
I came to a motorway bridge, and I was like you know what this is it. I was a few steps away from ending everything and in that moment the lights from all the cars on the bridge and on the motorway blurred my vision. It made a distraction in my streams of thoughts.
… Don’t worry this isn’t where it happened, just an example… 🙂
And I just walked away.
The gap that was created in my thinking enabled God and His Holy Spirit to save me. He saved me when I knew nothing about Him. And now two years later I’m living my life for Him. **
Living your life for Christ doesn’t mean that you have to do what I’m doing. I’m just trying to be an advocate for Him, so more people can find His light. Living your life for Christ is about acknowledging all that He has and is doing in your life. And it means you’re living the life He created for you.
The first time I said I want to live my life for Christ all my pain and suffering from my past just disappeared. The more I speak about what has happened and is happening in my life, the less power those words and situations have o hold of me.
So, if you’re taking at least one thing from this, I want you to know it’s okay not to be okay. But what that’s the case don’t bottle it up, speak about it. No matter how big or small that worry or problem is, you need to say it. Tell it to the first person that comes to mind.
Be brave and take that step of faith.
You have a voice;
and people want to hear it.
For when I am weak, then I am strong,
(2 Corinthians 12:10)
You can check out Jodie’s blog here. She’s a good one <3